Fighting the Crazy

Will and I visited family in Knoxville for the 4th, and we went on a jog along the “crazy path”. It’s a running path that winds along the Tennessee River in a beautiful area of ball fields and rolling hills. The locals call it “crazy” because it circles a place that was once an insane asylum. It is also crazy because there is a ridiculously, steep, long, winding hill at the end of the four miles. Before you can spot the finish, you battle the crazy.

This path has its unique challenges, but all races have the same elements. The start is hopeful, the middle is steady, the finish is awesome adrenaline, but the stretch right before the end is the hardest part. It’s when endurance and perseverance are tested.

It’s the “already, but not yet”; the place right before the victory. The place of struggle right before the captive is set free, right before the addict comes clean, the stretch of night right before dawn, right before the breakthrough. It’s where doubt takes its final jab at you before it loses you forever. It’s the place of process that paints the promise. Your flesh is weak, your mind is strong, your faith is secure, the finish is absolutely guaranteed, but you’re not there yet. And in that place is the fight.

In many ways, it’s where we all are. Jesus has redeemed our souls, called us out of darkness and into his marvelous light, made us brand new, perfected our spirits and guaranteed the finish with him free from the presence of all sin and death. But, we are here living in our flesh in this broken world. We are citizens of heaven, but not there yet.

And so, when I got to this place on that insane hill, I pushed hard. I was on fire thinking of writing an inspiring blog post on endurance through hardship (because I write in my mind while I run and have crossed many finish lines lately in the Lord’s strength) and as I headed up that quarter mile of crazy, something totally surprising happened…I quit. Runners were briskly walking downhill facing me and I could see their acknowledgment of my struggle. I felt it. Pride crept in, shame crept in, my legs gave out, and I quit.

I hung my head down and walked the rest of the way up to the finish line, defeated. Was my faith not strong enough today? Why could my mind not overcome my body? I knew the truth that I was strong enough to do it, and yet I fell short. The July heat added pressure and I buckled.

And then, in that moment as I sauntered to the end of the path in self pity, I felt God gently whisper, “Lift your head up, my girl…I love you just the same. Today is a part of the journey. I will never leave you. I will make you stronger. I will finish what I’ve started. You may have quit today, but I will never quit on you. My mercies are new each morning. My grace is enough. We’ll try again. Seasons will change, this heat will lift and we’ll come back to this same place, and to all the places, victorious. You’ll see.”

And, I can see it. I believe without a doubt, we will make it up the crazy hill. In my mind it has already happened…just not yet.

“But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high.”
Psalm 3:3 NIV

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭1:6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

When an Achiever Becomes a Believer

When an Achiever Becomes a Believer

Here is a picture of two very different half marathon finishes.


The first is of me six years ago and the second is last week. The Bible often refers to life as a race, and I thank God for how He transforms us along the journey and loves us every step of the way. Three kids and six years later, my race looks very different now…and so does my face! Because somewhere along life’s road, this achiever has been transformed into a believer. I am not afraid of my weaknesses anymore; they have been overcome by Grace!

One difference in these finishes is the extra 18 minutes it took to complete 13 miles. You could say I am a weaker runner now. But on this journey, God has shown me a different kind of strength. When I look at the first picture, I am so proud of her ability! When I look at the second, I am in awe of His ability to overcome. I see new things. I see:


Failure in my first race was going slower than a 10-minute mile. And sure enough, I beat it! But, as soon as I started training this time around, I realized my body could not run at that pace any more. So I had to redefine failure as allowing my expectations to drive me to quit. Releasing them set me free! Pride can so often shut us down from stepping into the abundant life. There was peace in embracing where I actually was instead of where I thought I should be. Weakness opens the door for His power to be made perfect. This mama can’t run fast in anything right now, but if I am willing to be humble, I can go to distance.


These pictures were supposed to be of the same race. I signed up to run in Nashville again but it didn’t work out with the kids. So I had to switch to a race in my own town three weeks earlier. This cut three weeks off training plus I caught the stomach bug and never-ending cough from my kids. The fight was not just to the finish line, but to the start. Six years of raising little ones has taught me to adjust and roll with curve balls. I do not have this mastered, but am learning I am not in control. Rather than quitting when things don’t go as planned, I am learning the strength of embracing the new plan and showing up for it just the same.


There was no training without teamwork. Unlike before, each time I went for a long run, it took teamwork from my husband and readjusting our family’s day. And rather than running the race too like originally planned, Will sat this one out to watch the kids. I am so thankful for my teammate in life!

I am also thankful for my friend Katie, who runs alongside me in ministry and motherhood, and showed up to run this race with me! We are not meant to run alone. God gives us the gift of co-laborers and encouragers to carry us when we can’t carry ourselves. And there was a moment in this race when I couldn’t carry myself. I hit a wall at mile ten and the gray road and sky started to blur together into what looked like a static tv channel. My legs felt cold and I wondered if I might collapse on the side of road. I tried to fight it, but knew I was shutting down.

And somewhere along life’s journey, I hit that wall too and came to an end of myself. The entanglement of my sin and flesh brought me to a place where I could not go on. I needed help. So on the run, I started praying through that fuzzy gray. Lord, help me. Please just help me see. And there in front of me was this sign “Church.”


It was not just any church; it was THE church where I came to Christ five years ago through a Bible study on Freedom. Seeing it made me know I was going to be okay and that this was a turning point.

The church is not just a building; it is God’s people. And right there in that moment was Katie. I told her I needed help and asked her to lead me. She reminded me to eat some jelly beans :), and that sunshiny shirt and ponytail bouncing to the worship music she was singing out loud pulled me through until I could see again! I am so thankful for all of God’s people who have helped me see and find my way.



This race was a reminder that we don’t have to be fully trained to go the distance; we just have to have the courage to show up. A special part of the run was passing by Hudson Alpha where Will works and was called out of the corporate world to be a part of an entrepreneurial enterprise. It was a leap of faith that the unknown would be better than the known. I am thankful for the risks we’ve taken along the journey, especially the ones for God. The achiever fears failure; the believer fears not doing the hard thing in light of the failure that has been overcome.



The Nashville race had a band at every mile, which was awesome! The ever-changing music encouraged me. There were no bands on this race; the soundtrack came from the never-changing Truth I played to myself.

“Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.” Hebrews 12:1-2

“Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character, and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame..” Romans 5:3


This race was different because of who I would see at the finish line.

There was nothing like hearing Will with these little voices cheering “Go Mommy!” at the end. While giving birth to them has made me slower, knowing I would see their faces pushed me to the finish. And embracing them reminded me that at the end of my race, their footprints will extend generations beyond my time here. And that’s how it is in this race of life. When we believe in Jesus, it’s different because of who we will see at the finish line. We may look weaker by the world’s standards, but the life He births in us is a gift that will extend beyond our time. And knowing the One we’ll embrace at the finish makes it worth the fight.


I treasure these race pictures and the amazing love God has for us every step of the way. He is writing a story in each of our lives, and lets us in on the best secret…no matter what we achieve, we’re made perfect when we believe. And that’s worth smiling for!



Freedom Writing & Rhyming

A wise friend once told me to run after God with all you have and then look at the people on your right and left; those are the people with you on your faith journey. God has led me to a group of writers at Lincoln Village Ministries called Freedom Writers. Each week, I go with three beautiful sisters to write with middle school girls. It’s a time the girls can have a safe place to share what’s on their hearts. We write together, pray together, get real and help each other experience freedom in the Lord. I learn as much from these middle school girls as they do from me. They are awesome! My friend Katie Wilson founded Freedom Writers, inspired by the movie, and you can read more about it here.

We recently took a field trip to Rhymer’s for the Lord, a ministry founded by my dear friend and fellow freedom writer, Toya Poplar, and her husband, Melvin. Melvin is a gospel rapper and lyrical genius! Rhymer’s invites kids and adults to the Inner City Learning Center to rhyme for God’s glory. It takes an art that can used to share harmful words, and transforms it into something life-giving and amazing!

Speaking on a mic in rhyme is new to me (haha!), but I love new things because they break me out of my comfort zone. The cool thing about running after God is when you look to your right and left, you won’t see people who look exactly like you. I have found in all of the places He has led me, He brings people of different color, backgrounds and age into my life. This makes HIM bigger, extends the facets of His glory, and stretches me to experience Him in different ways!  

Toya asked me to read “The Pavement” (my rhyme about running below) without my notes. That’s not my style, but I did it! At her suggestion, I dressed in my running clothes and acted it out. And isn’t that how it should be with God’s word too? We don’t just read it, but write it on our hearts, dress in it and act it out? This freedom writer experienced freedom in a new way tonight at the Inner City Learning Center!  


I wanted to share “The Pavement” with you and hope you enjoy it! And if you haven’t experienced spoken word, rhyming for the Lord or God in a new way, I highly recommend it! We have a Creative Creator who delights in bringing His people together and inviting us into His creativity.

The Pavement

Running is a gift
It’s hard but it teaches
I think the pavement listens
I also think it preaches.

I know I’m not alone
When I wrestle hopes and fears
Does the pavement see me?
Does the pavement have ears?

It calls me out to try again
To wrestle and to fight
To run my race with all I am
To battle dark with light.

My envy, fear and anger
I talk them out so freely
We work it out together
I know the pavement sees me.

And yet it never changes
Or pushes me away
My darkest thoughts are fully known
And yet I get to stay.

It reminds me to be humble
It reminds me to be brave
It reminds me that I stumble
But in failure I am safe.

It reminds me that comparison
Blinds us to our light
We choose to win or lose
By choosing who to fight

Our struggle is never against
Another runner in the hood
But powers of darkness that lie to us
And tell us we’re no good.

There is no hill too high
And I never climb alone
The pavement feels my every step
And always brings me home.

So, when I’m sad and hurting
Or feel I might explode
I go and tell the pavement
That ever-listening road.

The pavement never judges
I don’t have to show restraint
The pavement never rejects
True colors I can paint.

It shows me I’m not stuck
And that I get to keep going
It reminds me I have freedom
And a hope that’s always growing.

God, thank You for the race
For trials and triumphs true
In Christ, we have the victory
And on the pavement,

The God of Breakthrough

Have you ever experienced a breakthrough in your life?  Or are you praying for one right now?

I was running this morning for the first time in a long time, and was reminded of a big breakthrough that got me fired up. Truths discovered in running often remind me of spiritual truths, and I think that’s why there are many references to running in the Bible.

Several years ago, I was a “three miler runner.” I had about five different three-mile routes from our house, and ran in a few 5ks. As a 28-year-old who had passed her athletic “prime,” I did not think I was capable of running more than three miles any more. My husband challenged me on this.  He told me I was capable of so much more if I could just break through the “three mile wall” in my mind. He encouraged me this was a mental wall, not a present reality. It’s a wall he had broken through and he kindly offered to help me.

Rather than running one of my normal routes and adding to it, he drove me somewhere far away from our neighborhood.  He didn’t want me thinking through the route.  He didn’t want me to think about anything but finishing. When we got there, he did something really wise.  He told me I had to leave my watch in the car.  I wanted to know how fast we were going, but he told me that wasn’t necessary.  He said that pace doesn’t matter when you’re going a new distance. I thought that was a neat reminder that in order to experience breakthrough with God, we have to throw off our performance measures. Not seeing my mile time was so freeing. I didn’t have to run fast – I just had to run.

Will and I ran that afternoon, side by side, step by step for what seemed like an eternity.  I set the pace and he just was there to keep me from stopping. It’s as if there was an imaginary thread between us and he was pulling me along one step and one breath at a time for four long miles.

When the parking lot of our finish line was in close distance, I was so happy to see it that I sprinted the rest of the way toward it. I ran my heart out, freedom of breakthrough in every step.  Will let me go ahead as he cheered me on.  I did it! I broke through the three mile wall.  Three weeks later, I ran my first 10k.  And a month after that I finished my first half marathon.  Once I realized that wall was indeed a lie, I was ready to embrace the once impossible with everything I had.

Remembering this today made me reflect on spiritual breakthroughs and how they’ve looked a lot like that day with Will. Breaking through the walls built by fears, hurts, and lies has looked like:

Running together –  When we let a trusted person into the hurting and often secret places of our lives, breakthrough happens.  Sometimes they carry us through, sometimes they just run beside us.  Sharing my dark places and weakness with others is probably the scariest thing I have ever done in my life. But bringing others into my journey has led to true healing, freedom and amazing breakthrough.  It’s in those moments I’ve seen God’s light overcome darkness.  

Taking off the watch – As someone who loves to perform well, this is challenging for me.  But breakthroughs are never about what I can do well! They are only what He can do through me when I take my eyes off my abilities and put them on His promises. Also, breakthroughs often don’t happen as fast as we’d like them to.  They are not on our time; they are on His time. Taking off the watch helps us release that and not give up too soon.

Explosive Growth – Each time I have discovered that wall was not a present reality in light of God’s word and who I am in Christ, there has been explosive growth beyond what I could have asked or imagine.  Breakthroughs don’t just get us out; they send us soaring, walls in the dust. His divine power demolishes strongholds and sets us free indeed!

Seeing and being someone new – Today I am starting over in running after having a baby.  I can only go 1.2 miles and boy, does it hurt.  However, I don’t see myself as someone who can only run 1.2 miles.  I see myself as a half marathon (potentially more) runner who is a little out of shape. This is a huge difference! Once we see who we are in Christ, we can operate out of the strength and truth of our new identity.

Our God is a God who breaks through for us. He leads us to break through our fears, unbelief and the places where we feel stuck and defeated. He breaks through the walls built by hurt and the lies telling us change is not possible for us. He overcomes, He rescues and He delivers.

“The LORD did it!” David exclaimed. “He burst through my enemies like a raging flood!” So he named that place Baal-perazim (which means “the Lord who bursts through”).  2 Sam 5:20

He sees the walls in our hearts and our minds, and wants us to burst through to freedom like a raging flood!  The same God who burst through for David is for us and can burst through for you and me today. He is no different and our battles are no less important. Isn’t that awesome!?

As the New Year begins, I have been journaling the places I pray God can break through in 2016. There are specific places I am stuck and need freedom. I am so amazed at all He has done, and it gives me great hope to know He is not nearly finished with me! A friend gave me the advice to journal my prayers years ago, and I am so thankful. Writing them out is an amazing way to later look back and see how He is faithful to answer.  Our hearts are always full of prayers, and journals are a great reminder that He hears them.

What is the place that at the end of 2016 you would like to name Baal-perazim?  The place in your mind, heart, life?  The place you want to see Him burst through that doesn’t look possible right now? The relationship that’s still broken, the fear that paralyzes, the sin that still lingers, the pattern that continues, the dream that has lost its spark of hope, the unbelief that only the Holy Spirit can break through. What are the New Year’s hopes that can only be accomplished with the help a powerful God? I dare you to write them down!  

Each run begins with one new step. Each breakthrough begins with one new prayer.  Each year begins with one new day. It’s time for walls to fall. Let’s run our hearts out!

“Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way…” Hebrews 12:1-2 MSG