A friend sent me this song this morning and it has been on repeat in my house today…Winter Snow: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpHiAmL8-b0. Beautiful piano and lyrics… “You came like a winter snow…quiet and soft and slow.” There is something about seeing winter snow that makes us stop, clear what we had planned for the day, stand still and just watch…with childlike wonder as beautiful white flakes fall from heaven gently on our cheeks. It’s as if we reconnect with our childhood hearts for a minute.

Snow refreshes me in an unexpected way. It reminds me of the beauty in winter that I often want to miss. As someone who loves outdoors and sunshine, winter can be a challenging season for me. My life is overflowing with blessings for which I am so thankful, but there is something about this season that makes a tear fall faster and that makes belly laughter feel like a long distance friend rather than a constant companion. This season makes me more aware of cold and hurting people around me. Something in me can feel stuck and frozen and needing to melt. But I think the gist of the struggle is that I am just ready...ready for Spring. Ready for days when the sun doesn’t set at 5pm and my kids are not so very sick and we can stroll and see green buds on the trees and watch flowers bloom and smell spring air and feel completely alive outside again. We are ready for warmth and melting and rebirth and Easter that is 40 long days away.

There are many things I am ready for that I can often make happen with very little waiting. If I need something, I can go to Amazon, click a button and have it freely shipped to my door in two days. How I wish I could click a button for Spring and have it arrive at my door later this week. But it’s not like that with God. There is not one thing we can do to make a new season come any faster than it will. I am ready for something and its time has not come. And so I wait. Much like the cold, dark winter, there are seasons in our lives…seasons of mourning, of grief, of regret, of hurt, of pain, of darkness…and we want to expedite them. We want them to just move along faster. Or we want to fly away and escape. But Spring will not come a minute earlier despite our best efforts.

Recently I stared out my window at 4:30am. It was the anniversary of a hard day that God has sweetly restored in more ways than I could ask or imagine. I knelt in a prayer of thanksgiving to the One who makes all things new. And in those moments of reflection, I was caught off guard by the emotions I felt, and I wept. It was a day I needed a good cry. Some days I am just ready.  Ready for Jesus to come back and take away all death and tears and pain forever. That morning, I felt as if Jesus lifted me up like a little child and held me. Usually it feels as if we are walking together, but sometimes, I just need to collapse and cry and let him carry me for a little while. It seemed as if dawn would never ever come. And when it did, it was the most glorious sunrise. Worth every minute of waiting. Worth every moment of the dark that was, at the moment of day break, a distant memory. The view out my window was completely new. And I was so thankful for those quiet moments with Him.

We are in a season of waiting aren’t we? We are brides waiting for our Bridegroom to come back for us. I recently heard someone explain marriage in ancient culture which helped me so much better understand Scriptures about our marriage to Christ. Here in the modern west, weddings are all about the bride. But in ancient Eastern culture, they were all about the bridegroom. He would come to his bride, make their marriage official and then go away for an unknown period of time to prepare for their wedding. He and his father would make preparations for this amazing day of union while she eagerly awaited the unknown day of his return. She would wait in expectant hope for the day she would officially live with the one promised to be hers forever. And just like her, we are waiting for Jesus to return. We are waiting for the new city where God will dwell with us. We are waiting to be reunited and stand face to face again with our Loving, Holy and Perfect Father. We are waiting for the end of all darkness, for all tears to be wiped away, for death to be swallowed up, for perfect justice to be administered, and for the One who has captured our hearts to come back and get us and bring us home.

I was reminded today about a reflection I wrote last February about winter snow and God’s beauty in the seasons, even in the winter and the waiting…

“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1

This tree is the tree that God used to write a love letter to me when Mary was born. Having never lived a Spring in our home, it caught us by complete surprise. We left for the hospital hardly noticing its green buds and came home two days later to the most beautiful display of soft pink blossoms you’ve ever seen. As we carried our baby girl up the sidewalk and stepped over the blanket of pink petals, we were covered from head to toe in this sweet, soft, glorious display of spring! “The voice of the Lord is majestic.” (Psalm 29:4)

Mary was born on the first day of Spring and her birth was a love letter to me from God. It marked a new season not only in nature but in my life. God used that first day of Spring to open my eyes to His amazing grace and to the new abundant life in Christ. “The old is gone, the new has come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

I find myself in a bit of a winter season. Like the trees, I feel bare and run down. Desiring to feel God’s presence and walk out His purpose, but I’m just…tired. Rather than coast through the days as I do when things are going well, I have spent the mornings on my knees reading and praying and journaling the Psalms. The words have helped me articulate how I feel and God has gently lifted my head. “you bestow glory on me and lift up my head… to the Lord I cry and He answers me.” (Psalm 3:3-4)

Late last night, the power went out. I stepped outside to see what was happening not knowing how much it had been pouring snow. It was completely quiet and the ground was covered. It was magnificent and there in front of me was this tree. Wow. Completely dark outside with no power, no light from anywhere and… there it was, lighting up the whole yard with beautiful soft, white snow. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow.” (Isaiah 1:18) In the quiet, cold, deep, dark night, He comes… gently, like a whisper, magnificent and splendid, still and soft, bright and clear. “And after the fire, a still, small voice.” (1 Kings 19:11)

I stood in awe and stared at each branch and how brightly they all shone together. The small detail was amazing. God is amazing. He created that. “Oh Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth.” (Psalm 8:1) Sometimes I think of Him as a “Spring” God and want for winter to end. But it’s as if He said… “Shhhh, be still. I am here in the winter just the same. I am here and just as magnificent. On this cold, dark night I make light shine in the darkness. Step out and see what I have for you in this winter season. Embrace it. Behold it’s beauty.

Thank you Lord for the winter, for drawing me to my knees to call out for help and for lifting my head back to you. “Lift up your heads… that the King of glory may come in.” (psalm 25:7) Better than winter being over is knowing that You are here in it, and through it. You’re here, the same God, the same tree, the same voice. Your promises are true in every season.

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13:8

And so…we wait for Him, for the One who never changes, for the One who loves us so much He would rather die than live without us. For the One whose perfect love clothes us in robes of righteousness. We wait in expectant hope for the Bridegroom who is coming back for us, His beloved bride, to bring us home. And we lean into His never-changing beauty in this season.

“They waited for me as for showers and drank in my words as spring rain.” Job 29:23

“I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope. I wait for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning.” Psalm 130:5-6

“I am the bright Morning Star….

Behold, I am coming soon!” Revelation 22:16,12

“Mommy, is it adventure day yet?” These words from my daughter bring me great delight. At the beginning of this school year, I was a bit overwhelmed by the number of activities available for my kids who are turning two and four. And for me as well! With so many ways to fill our days, I felt a bit of pressure that a “good mom” should do as much as she could. If I exposed my kids to gymnastics, ballet, soccer, music, the list goes on, I could pat myself on the back for a job well done and keep up with the world around me. But truthfully, rushing off to activities with two toddlers is less joyous than I’d hoped. By the time everyone gets their shoes on and tries to make it on time to wherever we’re going, we have expended a lot of energy and I have found myself barking “hurry up” orders more than enjoying my children. After some trial and error, we’ve decided to cut back on activities this year and try something new…we call it “adventure day.”

“Adventure day” is the one day a week where we have NOTHING on the calendar – not for me or the kids. No mother’s morning out, no activities, no plans, no appointments, no agenda, NOTHING. It has been a blast! We usually decide what we’re doing that morning and go when we’re ready. Through these adventures we’ve been able to explore lots of neat parts of the city: a park on top of the mountain, nature trails, the Botanical Gardens, new picnic spots, the duck pond, the pumpkin patch, random construction sites …we’ve even driven down to the Birmingham zoo. Somedays we just stay at home playing in the yard, digging holes and climbing trees. And sometimes when it is rainy, we go to Chick Fil A for lunch (and stay for dessert so it takes longer!) Or we paint pictures, play pretend and build forts. I has been such fun! I am usually very tired by the end of these days and the house is a wreck, but I have so enjoyed these precious moments with my children. And they have come to look forward to adventure days. It’s not about what we do, but that we take time to do it together.

Through these moments, I feel like God has given me a sweet glimpse of His heart for His kids. Unlike my kids, we choose how we spend our days. And I wonder if He wishes we would clear our entire schedule and go on adventures with Him? Adventures that were planned with little-to-no notice. Adventures that took us to different parts of His creation and our city that we may not otherwise go. Margin to enjoy Him, to talk with Him, explore with Him and just be together. Moments to be taught, encouraged and stretched out of our comfort zones. Room to trust His lead and know we’ll wind up back home in the end. He has eternity with us, but this season right here and now is a fleeting one, and how He must long to spend time with us as we grow. All those things we rush off to do are great and important…but we have a Father who longs for us to make room for Him. Sometimes it looks like taking Him with us, but on the really exciting days, it’s allowing Him to take us on adventures.

While my kids can sometimes drive me crazy, I am crazy about Mary and John. Not because of anything they do, but because they’re my kids. I love them and want to spend time not just doing things for them, but with them. I want them to know me, and I want to know them. Isn’t that our Father’s heart for us? And I’m reminded that we cannot trust someone we do not know, and we cannot know someone we don’t spend time with.

I have to be honest – it’s overwhelming to me that I matter to the Creator of the Universe, and that He would want to spend time with me. But that’s the gospel, isn’t it? God loved me (Katie) so much that He sent His son to live a perfect life, die a brutal death and rise to new life to overcome sin and death for me. He took my sin and gave me His righteousness because I matter to Him. The day that truth made it’s way down the long 18 inches from my head to my heart was the day my world turned right-side up.

And I can feel Him calling me on many adventures right now. Adventures where He is the Leader, not me. So, what am I holding onto? What fears is He asking me to let go of? What part of me must I give up to gain more of Him? What in the schedule needs to be cleared? There is a beautiful invitation there. “Follow me.” (Matthew 4:19) He’s on the most awesome mission of all times: the redemption of His people for eternity, and He invites us in. Will it always be easy? No. Will there be hardships? Guaranteed. But He promises joy regardless of circumstances. He promises life more abundant. He promises a hope and a future. He promises to work all things together for the good of those who love Him. He promises to fulfill His purpose for us. He promises to equip us with all we need to do His will. He promises He will never leave us or forsake us. He promises an eternity that holds more than we can ask or imagine.

Jesus often gets to our hearts by asking great questions. In the book of John, the first question he asks his disciples is “what are you seeking?” (John 1:38 ESV) They then ask him where he’s staying and he simply answers, “come and you will see.” (John 1:39 ESV)

So, what are you seeking? Really, truly and deeply. What are you looking for right now? Are you finding it in the places you are rushing off to? I know I’m not. Chances are, we’ll find it in Him. And when we do, He’ll ask us to drop everything and join Him on a great adventure.

Why? Because we’re His kids and He’s crazy about us.

Happy New Year!

As I was watching the Times Square coverage of New Year’s Eve last night, I got very excited about what bringing in a New Year means. We watched clips of the New Year being celebrated all over the world, from Australia to New York, fireworks everywhere, and every ball dropping had the number 2015 on it.  It reminded me that Jesus is our KING.  That every time we say the year, it is based on his life.  All of history and our dates revolve around someone born in a manger who died on a cross, a servant king. AMAZING! Think of all the powerful people in history, but this one man is the reason the entire world had the numbers 2015 in their celebrations last night. The most important people in history have dates on their tombstones that revolve around Jesus. He existed before time, he offers us eternal life beyond time and he is the central measuring point of our time. This is someone who was born in a stable, whose birth was announced to lowly outcasts in a field, who was raised in a carpenter’s home and spent his days with fishermen. It defies all logic in the most brilliant way!

To see so many people celebrating all over the world with hope and anticipation of what a clean slate brings makes me appreciate how much we have in common despite our cultural differences. Maybe New Year’s is an excuse for people to have a party. But on a deeper level, people get FIRED UP for a new year because we are MADE FOR JESUS. We are designed to desire a FRESH START, A CLEAN SLATE, and a NEW CHANCE. We (all races, all nations) love the hope a new year brings because ultimately we desire what Jesus offers; NEW LIFE and transformation. Taylor Swift captivates the world with the notion of “shaking it off,” and Elsa with “letting it go,” but what Jesus offers is far more liberating and exciting. “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old is gone, the new has come.” (2nd Corinthians 5:17).

I went on a treasure hunt and looked up the meaning of the word “new.” The Greek word “new” that Paul uses is “kainos.” It appears over 40 times in the New Testament and means “new in form and substance, recently made, fresh, recent, unused, unworn, of a new kind, unprecedented, novel, uncommon and unheard of.”

The word tells us that we are people who Christ is making new, that he has given us a new heart and put a new spirit in us, that we have been born into a new family, that we are members of a new covenant and that one day we will have new bodies, a new name and will live in a new city. “Behold I am making all things new” (Revelation 21:5). How is this possible? Through the love of Christ and his sacrifice on the cross.

As I look at this New Year, I usually have a long to do list of what to accomplish and what to give up. Those goals are helpful. This year, my desire is simple…more of Jesus, receiving the abundant life he has made available and following his lead. I wish I had a road map, but he simply offers a relationship. And, I believe him when he says he came to give life and give it to the full. I know the abundant life he has given me has been the most exciting adventure I could imagine. I used to look at following Christ and see a mountain of things I needed to give up. But now I see Jesus as someone who reaches out a hand and shows us what we have to GAIN. He took our sins on the cross and, in exchange, gave us his righteousness. He gives us a “new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” (Ephesians 4:22-24). Wow! That’s amazing grace!

What happens when we follow him?

“Truly I tell you,” Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life.” (Mark 10:29-30)

So, Happy New Year! Each date on our calendar revolves around the life of Jesus, and I pray we live each day to revolve around him too. I pray the newness Christ offers infuses your 2015. And that his light sparks a new fire in you. Praise Jesus for a new year, new life and life to the full!

“It’s the happppppiest season of all.” Those lyrics played on the radio in my car this week. It’s Christmas. And while I usually sing along loudly to that song about it being the most wonderful time of the year, the words strike me differently this year. This year I am reminded of the amazing undertaking it is to bring a life into the world. Will and I are thrilled to announce that we are expecting a baby in June! “Because of all that the Son is, we have been given one blessing after another.” (John 1:16 CEV) In these past few weeks, I have been reminded of the miracle of life. And while God forms this little one in the secret place, it is no small undertaking. There’s no other way to say it; I am exhausted. There’s a world around me of cheer and fun and bright lights and all I want to do is crawl in bed and sleep and make building this baby my only task. There could not be a more wonderful reason to need rest, and I am beyond grateful. But, it is a hard time of year to feel this way. And through it I think God is opening my eyes to a different way to see Christmas.

Usually I am hyped up and in high gear. If there’s a festivity, the Taylors are there. We don’t like to miss a beat this season. We try to cram it ALL into 25 days, and it’s fun. We come, see and conquer Christmas. So much so that last year when it ended, I felt a bit empty and sad. What just happened and where did it all go? And what now?

This week as I was reading my kids the Christmas story, a part of it struck a deep chord with me. “While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.” (Luke 2:7) Or the Jesus Storybook Bible says, “Every room was full. Every bed was taken. ‘Go away!’ the innkeeper told them. ‘There isn’t any place for you.’”

Here the Son of God was coming. The One who created the universe coming as a baby with flesh, and yet there was no guest room available. No room in the inn. I look at my calendar this week. And as I do the things I so enjoy: hanging the lights, buying poinsettias, baking cookies, sealing envelops, buying the tree, going to Santa’s Village…as I attempt these wonderful traditions with limited energy, I am faced with the question…where is the room for Jesus? There is simply not room to do it all this year. And I realize I am trying to create a perfect experience for my family at Christmas, when perfection is the free gift of Christ I am simply meant to receive.

For all of us, there’s a Christmas train that comes through this time of year at high speed. While lovely, shiny and beautiful, it takes us full speed in a direction away from the birth of Christ. Sometimes we have to decide either to jump on or move out of the way. Or it will run over us. But God is not like a fast-moving, roaring train. God extends an invitation in a much different way. He enters the world as a tiny baby. He asks us to draw near. He speaks to us in a still, small voice. Why would the God of thunder speak in a still, small voice? Because He’s that close. So close we can miss Him.

And perhaps because I am tired this year, I can see tiredness in other people too. This fall I’ve become involved with some ministries and had the opportunity to enter into the mess with others. It has been a joy. It has been challenging. My car drives down new roads and my eyes are opened…I see hurting people, I see tired people, I see fearful people, I see lonely people, I see broken people, I see hungry people. I hear of another suicide. I have friends who mourn the loss of their five-year-old as they face the first Christmas without their precious son. I know others who are wondering again this year why they can’t get pregnant. I see marriages falling apart all around me. And while I want to put on my red sweater and sing a song of cheer, there’s something deeper I long for.

It’s Jesus.

It’s grace. It’s renewed hope that He holds the universe together so I can rest. It’s a reminder that he is the light of the world, and that we are the light of the world because he lives in us. And an invitation to enter the dark places with hope. It’s a reminder that we have a King. A King who didn’t wear a sparkly crown, but a crown of thorns. His is not a far-off Kingdom, but one that lives inside of us. It’s awe and wonder at the God of the universe who made Himself small and came as a baby to enter the mess and redeem His broken people. It’s Jesus who came to rescue us, heal us, restore us, and conquer sin and death once and for all. This is not a bedtime story. It’s a real life story and we’ve been invited into it. It’s faith that He is making all things new. “In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope…” (1 Peter 1:3). That’s what I long for. That’s what he offers in full.

A few weeks ago, I invited people to come hear a testimony of a friend who started Lincoln Village Ministries here in Huntsville. He has an amazing story of redemption and hearing it reminds me of the mercy and power of Christ and what it means to be a light in the Kingdom. It is a reminder that God is a God of miracles and He is performing them in our city. The prayer for the people who came was that they would encounter Jesus. And many did. God brought exactly who He wanted to bring. But I have a friend who did not come. She said she had to get a head start on Christmas shopping. I appreciated her honesty and certainly respect her time and decision. It was not that she couldn’t come that made me sad. It was the reason. I was not upset at her, but for her. Perhaps it was most disappointing because my heart was convicted that I, too, say no to invitations to encounter Christ while I say yes to Christmas. In some moments, there is not room for both. I sometimes forget that everything in this season and every season is all about Jesus. I feel like God looks at me in the same loving and longing way I looked at my friend.

You missed it today.

Will and I love to give during this season to people in need. But, I know the feeling I have in the retail stores as I’m shopping for our family who I love dearly. I see the luster and hope the gifts offer. But, if I’m honest, Christmas shopping sometimes doesn’t feel as much like Spirit-filled giving as checking a to do list. And I scratch my head and wonder why we do this? Don’t get me wrong, the presents are a blessing to have. And they are very exciting…for a little while. Christmas truly is a magical time with little children. We have scrapbooks full of memories with Christmas traditions and family fun that are so incredibly special. I’m not suggesting there’s anything bad about it. But there’s more. There’s so much more the birth of a Savior offers. Because there’s a deeper longing we have, isn’t there?

My son found it the other night in his almost-two-year-old way. As we were putting up the tree and playing music and unloading boxes, he disappeared. That’s never a good thing! I went searching for him and what I saw made my heart melt. He had found his way into the playroom and was snuggled up beside the Fisher Price Nativity Set and was watching in complete awe as baby Jesus lit up. Every time he touched baby Jesus his face lit up with joy as he cooed. Silent night started playing from the little stable as he stared in wonder. Isn’t that what we’re looking for? A little quiet place away from the fray to sit in awe and behold the light of Christ and the beauty of his face? The words to Silent Night touched me deeply.

Silent night. Holy Night. All is calm. All is bright.

What a beautiful thought of a silent night. There are so many lights this time of year and so much color. But that night was dark. And calm. And peaceful. And clear. The star from God shone brilliantly in it. Majestic through the silence.

But it may not have been silent for everyone. What about the people in the inns that were bustling and overflowing? What about the people in palaces dancing and feasting? There was the center of things, the center of commerce…but out in the nearby fields shepherds were waiting quietly. They were the outcasts, the lowly and despised. But we see a sense of expectation and wonder as the angel appears to them. We see them drop what they are doing and hurry to go to see the baby King and behold his majesty. They are given a front row seat to the miracle. They are chosen as God’s messengers. Their hearts are eager for the good news. I am reminded mine is too.

Silent night, Holy night
Son of God, love’s pure light
Radiant beams from thy holy face
With the dawn of redeeming grace,
Jesus, Lord at thy birth
Jesus, Lord at thy birth.

Beautiful words. Simple. Enough. He is coming whether we make room for him or not. He extends an invitation today. And He lovingly whispers, “don’t miss it.”

Have you ever met someone famous? Been in the same room with them? Passed them on the streets of a big city? Talked to them up close? Stores are filled with magazines that sell by their alluring offer to peak into these people’s lives. What is it about famous people that captures our attention more than the average person does? Why do we want so badly to reach out and touch them?

I laugh thinking about the terrible (now funny) encounter that Will and I had with Kenny Chesney several years ago. We were on our anniversary trip to Seaside and were celebrating on the second story of a restaurant that overlooked the ocean and had live music. It was a perfect atmosphere for dining and hanging out. It was our first time to the gulf and we were giddy. And then we saw him. Behind a space in the place that was mysteriously roped off. The short bald man who had filled our car on the way down to the coast with his voice. Kenny Chesney. To talk to him was just going to top off a perfect night in a perfect place. In case you don’t know much about Kenny Chesney, the country-music singer, he grew up near Knoxville, Tennessee where Will is from. I think Will believes that “Back Where I Come From” was written partly by him.

So we giggled and plotted our way to get to say hello nonchalantly. I wonder why we were so set on talking to him? I guess we just felt a connection to him through his music. And maybe we thought that since we liked his music that he would naturally like us too. Our beach trip was going to be topped off by meeting Kenny Chesney and likewise, his would be topped off by meeting the Taylors. We might be the missing link to his fun. Perhaps he would invite us to hang with him and his crew the next day. In fact, he had kissed one of my close girlfriends in college. Here we were ten years later and I couldn’t wait to tell him I was her friend. What a great encounter it would be!

So, after some planning, we finally made our way to the roped off area thinking that if we could just draw near to him, he would draw near to us. Within an ear shot of Kenny, Will said, “Hey man, I’m from Knoxville too.” Kenny lit up with excitement as his body guards made their way over too just in case. “That’s great. Did you graduate from UT?” My heart was pounding but I tried to play it cool. He was right there. He and Will were connecting! Will said, “No, I didn’t graduate from UT, but I’m from Knoxville.” To which Kenny said, “Hey man, you should go graduate.” Oh dear. There was a misunderstanding. “No, you see…I did graduate college, but just not from UT. But I’m from Knoxville too.” Kenny was starting to get frustrated with Will. His body guards made their way over as he shouted at Will, “Hey man, you just need to go graduate.” And he turned away. Oh no. That was it. Did it really go that badly? Yes it did. Can we get a quick rewind on that? No we can’t.

Will and I made our way over the other side of the place and he put his hands on his head and we replayed the conversation. How did it go so wrong? We were so upset. And angry. We wanted to rally everyone we knew to never buy his albums again. We wanted to throw all of ours away. We were crushed. And especially crushed knowing that the Taylors could never actually hurt Kenny’s record sales even though he was a jerk to us. In hindsight, we see now that maybe we were the jerks for interrupting his night. Five years have passed since then and on a recent road trip we found an old cd. Kenny Chesney. We laughed at the memory and sang along to the songs. We aren’t bitter any more. And darn it, we still like his music.

I think what was so disappointing is that we were misunderstood. And that we wanted to be liked and known by someone we liked and knew. We wanted to be on the other side of that rope. We wanted to be invited to the inside crowd with the special people that night. How could we feel so connected with someone who felt absolutely no connection with us? How could we know someone who didn’t even know or care we existed? It just didn’t seem right. What was wrong about it wasn’t just how we felt. It’s that we elevated this man with a microphone to a place he never should have been. Do you ever do that? Do you ever elevate people? I do. They don’t even have to be famous; sometimes they can be close friends. Sometimes they can be spiritual leaders in my life who I start to lean on as my holy spirit. And if we are elevating some people above us, we are probably without fully knowing it, valuing others as beneath us. It’s funny when Kenny Chesney overlooks you, but not so funny when it’s someone close in your life who you care about. When we reach for the acceptance of those we elevate, we can find ourselves trapped in the prison of their approval. They were never meant to hold the keys to our identity and significance. And moments like these leave us feeling deflated because there’s only One we should elevate.

And it sure is different with Jesus, isn’t it? We want to be fully understood; he knows us better than we know ourselves. We want to be on the inside; he adopts us into royalty. We want to be heard; he lends an ear. We want to be included; he outstretches a hand. We want to be important; we are so important to him that he’d rather die than live without us. We want higher standing; he takes our imperfection and gives us his perfection. We want to be noticed; he has never once overlooked us even though we’ve overlooked him countless times. And this is not just someone who created a few albums. This is someone who created the universe. And yet he has all the time in the world to give you and me when we ask for it.

I was reminded of the concept of reaching out to touch someone in a crowd, like we often do with famous people, as I was reading the story in Mark about the woman with the bleeding (Mark 5:25-34). This woman sees Jesus and she has heard of him. She has heard how he heals and her heart is filled with hope. She has been suffering from the same bleeding for twelve years. I heard Beth Moore teach on this Scripture and ask a crowd of women if anyone had been trying to get over the same thing for twelve years? You could hear a pen drop and see the tears on the faces. The answer to many in the room was a silent resounding yes. The same fears that come back, the same sins you can’t shake, the same unwillingness to forgive….. Has anyone struggled with the same thing for years and tried everything else to be free of it? Tried doctors? Tried all the remedies of this world? Spent all your money and come up worse? She had. And in her culture she would not only have been considered a sick person, but if others touched her, they would be considered unclean. How tired was she of being lonely and unclean? But she had heard about this man Jesus. And he was coming into her town. She was filled with hope.

I relate to this woman. I didn’t suffer from bleeding, but for years carried around the record of wrongs that stood against me. I hid from them, but they were always there. They were a part of me. The real truth about me. The lens through which I thought God saw me. Jesus says these words I once found mysterious but now understand. “Blessed are the poor in Spirit.” Blessed? Yes, BLESSED. The poor in spirit are are not the spiritually proud or self-sufficient. They are the ones who need Jesus because they’ve tried everything else and come up short. Jesus says, “theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 5:3). The kingdom of heaven is not something we can earn, but a free gift from Jesus if we are desperate enough to reach out to him. If we are poor in spirit enough to say we need a Savior and that we’re not it.

I wonder how many people in the crowd that day saw Jesus and wanted to touch him but did not have her courage? How many of them knew they were sick but did not make their way to him for fear of the crowd? One commentary says, “this is a story of her resolution to cross the border of legitimate behavior to gain access to divine power.” If you are poor in spirit, if you are tired of hanging onto the same fears, the same shame, the same unforgiveness and bitterness in your heart, if you are tired of being haunted by the same demons and running in circles only to find yourself back in the same place, you will do what she did. You will fight your way against a crowd to touch that Jesus. “She thought, ‘If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.’ Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.” (Mark 5:28-29).

And when I was desperate enough to reach out to touch Jesus, he took that record of wrong away. His truth set me free. Immediately free. “When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, GOD MADE YOU ALIVE WITH CHRIST. He forgave us all our sins, having CANCELED the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, NAILING IT TO THE CROSS.” (Colossians 2:13-14). The real truth about me is that I am HIS, cherished, beloved, chosen, adopted daughter, and when God looks at me, He sees his perfect son and He takes great delight in me. My record of wrongs white as snow, remembered no more. I have a new heart and a new spirit. When I believed these words, I was healed immediately just like this woman who reached out to Jesus. He says, “daughter, your faith has healed you, go now in peace and be freed from your suffering.” (Mark 5:34). Blessed are we when we reach out for Jesus. “The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.” (Psalm 145:18).

What is something you would cross boundaries of legitimate behavior to gain access to? We are always reaching for something, aren’t we? To be a good mom with good children, to live in a beautiful home, to reach the next level in whatever we do, to get the promotion, to feel approved, accepted, accomplished, loved, understood. We want to earn our way to the inside of what we’re currently outside. All the while Jesus has made us an insider to the Kingdom of heaven; our deepest desire can never be earned. What are you reaching for today?

This woman reached for Jesus. And Jesus would not allow her to recede into the crowd without publicly commending her faith and assuring her that she was permanently healed. I love how my Bible points out that the Greek word for healed here actually means saved, so both physical healing and spiritual salvation are meant. The physical healing is an answered prayer, but the spiritual salvation is the true gift. The free gift from Jesus of eternal life and peace. Physical healing is temporary; spiritual healing is eternal. She reaches for Jesus and her deepest desire is met. Hers is the Kingdom of heaven.

“You came near when I called you, and you said, ‘Do not fear.’ O Lord, you took up my case; you redeemed my life.” (Lamentations 3:57-58).

Blessed are the poor in spirit. The world would call them fools, and suggest they run, hide and medicate. But blessed are those who have lost hope in things that leave us empty. Theirs in the Kingdom of heaven. And that Kingdom of heaven is not just a destination; it lives inside of us today. What a gift!

God, would you remind me what it’s like to feel desperate? Some days I just need to fall on my knees and let your grace renew me. Some days I just need to admit that I’m tired. Sometimes I need to remember that I’m broken and a spec of dust without You. That Your power is made perfect in my weakness. Would you make me desperate…not just for Your benefits, but for You?

There is always someone famous in our midst. THE NAME ABOVE ALL NAMES. If we draw near to him, he WILL draw near to us. BLESSED are we when we reach out for Jesus. “In kindness he takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a radical life-change.” (Romans 2:4 MSG).

I believe there’s a reason we cheer our hearts out when underdogs win in sports. There is something about seeing them win that gives us great hope. Maybe it’s a hope that the things that are beating us won’t always win. Hope that the formidable opponents in our lives, our hurts, struggles, sins and fears, won’t always have their way. Hope that victory can belong to those who have faith, not just those who have strength.

Danger zone…I’m about to talk about God and the subject of football together in a state where football is like a god. I come from the foreign land of North Carolina where football takes a backseat to basketball and when it comes to Alabama vs. Auburn, I don’t take a side. Truly! My husband is from Tennessee and that’s our SEC team. So please, kindly remove the lens of your side as you read this because last year’s iron bowl reminds me of a real life story that I don’t want you to miss.

The iron bowl, in case you don’t know, is the last football game of the regular season where arch rivals Alabama and Auburn play each other. It’s a BIG deal. Alabama was the team to beat last year. Auburn was an underdog who had pulled out some unexpected victories giving their season a good record. The stakes were unusually high this time because whoever won would advance to the National Championship. Auburn was not favored in the Iron Bowl. Alabama had won three national titles and was not only Auburn’s arch rival, but the least likely team they could overcome.

So, what happens? They are down to ONE second left. The game is tied. Alabama is kicking a field goal to seal the deal. If you’re Auburn, you’ve got two choices here…you can either lose, or you can buy some more time to fight the formidable opponent and block the kick. To buy more time seems like the best option. In the one second left, I think they were all hoping their hearts out for a tie. But as Alabama lined up for the kick, it seemed unlikely.

Let me insert a real life story here. I was reminded of God’s love and faithfulness this week in a way that gave me hope to keep fighting the fight of faith. There is a gentleman who used to work on the janitorial staff at Will’s office who has become a friend of ours. Will got to know him through talking about football, and over the years, Will has seen ways he could help this man. I am not bragging on my husband, but on God who has transformed Will’s heart and leads him to love this man with the love of Christ. This is Christ working in Will, and it’s beautiful. But, it has not been an easy road. This friend has had some struggles and it seems when he takes one step forward, he takes five steps backward. My eyes have been opened to how hard it is to make a way without a car, without education, without internet, without the things I take for granted. He has lost several jobs, a car, and his family. He does not struggle with any addiction; life’s circumstances have just been hard on him. And when Will gets a call, it is usually to help. Will always shares the gospel when they are together and lends an open hand whatever the hour. In the past weeks, it has been tough. If I’m honest, I had come to a point where I started to lose hope. Is Will’s help actually helping? Is this ever going to get better? God, are you there? God, is this one your fight too?

Last week Will got a voicemail from this friend saying, “I don’t know what my purpose is any more in this world…thank you for being the only one who has believed in me.” It sounded desperate, like there was not much time on the clock. The choices seemed to be…to end in defeat or to buy some more time. Will had hope there was another outcome.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we DO NOT GIVE UP.” (Galatians 6:9)

“May the God OF HOPE fill you with all joy and peace AS YOU TRUST IN HIM, so that you may overflow WITH HOPE BY THE POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT.” (Romans 15:13)

Will called immediately. They talked for a long time and Will said he had nothing left to offer him but Jesus.

So, let’s go back to the iron bowl. One second left. Tie or lose. But wait…your mind might not even let you go there, but…there is ONE play that could actually turn this whole thing around. One play, one second…the ball flies into the hands of an Auburn receiver and he runs it ALL. THE. WAY. BACK. for a…TOUCHDOWN. WOW. Auburn wins!!! It’s over! Auburn advances. Done. I stood there with my mouth open for about 30 seconds with tears streaming down my face (I am a sucker for an underdog). Did. That. Just. Happen? I’m not sure anyone saw it coming, not even Auburn!

At the end of the phone conversation with his friend, out of the OVERFLOW OF HOPE and led BY THE POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT, Will led him in a prayer to receive Christ. Two days later on Sunday, we got a voice mail that Will will keep on his phone forever. It said, “I went back to church today, and rededicated my life to Jesus…love you brother.” To think of him returning to his childhood church after so many years and dedicating his life to Christ in front of the whole congregation brings tears to my eyes and makes my heart swell with joy! If there was a field, we would have rushed it!!! And all the angels in heaven rejoiced as we did the happy dance!

That Jesus, HE’S THE GAME CHANGER. He’s the one, who in one second, can turn defeat into victory. And during moments when victory looks impossible is exactly where he steps in. Because that’s often the moment we ask him to. And when he steps in we change from prayerfully avoiding defeat to claiming the victory that is ours.

A child born in a manger who died on a cross is not someone who the world may see as victorious or strong. Yet, isn’t it wild that every time we write 2014, we acknowledge that all times and dates revolve around him? No other ruler or emperor has ever had this influence. The people of his time wanted a king to fight armies. Jesus knew our struggle was not against flesh and blood but against powers of darkness. Our big opponents, sin and death…he took them out for all generations. The one who came to serve, who was raised in a carpenter’s home, who spent time with fisherman, who let the little children come to him, who washed feet; He is the one to whom every knee will bow. His love for us counts more than our rejection of him; his grace counts more than our sin. Sometimes in the world’s eye, he may seem like an underdog. But he is the victorious King of Kings!

Now, whatever comes our friend’s way, he is going to be okay. It will not be easy, but more than cars or jobs or financial security, this man has the one thing he needs in this world…JESUS. And he now is a NEW CREATION with an inheritance of glorious riches in Christ and eternal life.

Yes, there’s a reason we love underdogs. There’s a reason we love action movies and rescue stories and films like Braveheart where the martyr yells freedom at the end and gives his life for it. There’s a reason little girls love princesses and the story of Cinderella who, while she is in rags, has dreams of being rescued by a prince who will carry her away from the place of slavery and cruelty into the kingdom of light when she is treasured and special and beloved. There’s a reason we love Saving Private Ryan, because the Commander in Chief takes the time to organize a special task force all in the name of rescuing one person. A reason that from the time we’re little we love firemen. Because when called, they drop everything and charge full speed into the dark places to perform great rescues. They are ready to extinguish the fire, and while everything else may burn, they help rescue the person on the inside. There’s a reason we like to see dragons in dungeons and justice prevail. There’s a reason millions around the globe tuned in at all hours to watch the royal wedding. To see a common girl be loved by a prince and brought into a royal family. Because we know we’re all that girl.

The father throws a grand feast with the most fattened calf when his lost prodigal son comes home, the shepherd leaves the 99 to find the one, and all the angels in heaven, tens of thousands of angels, rejoice when one sinner repents. Because this is the most epic rescue story of all times. The fight is real, but the battle is won. And our best days here are when the God of the universe gives us a chance to be a part of the love story He has called us into. If you’re fighting the good fight today, please be encouraged! Run the race with perseverance. You are on a winning team.

Jesus pulls out all the stops, he mobilizes all the troops under his command, he gives it everything he has, he enters into the mud and mire and goes all the way to that cross, all the way to death to get his bride…to get each one of his kids.

This is the story of a hero…a hero who kills the dragon and rescues the bride. But this is not a fairy tale or a game. This is a REAL LIFE STORY…the story of the redemption of Jesus Christ.

Oh death! Where is your sting?
Oh hell! Where is your victory?
Oh Church! Come stand in the light!
The glory of God has defeated the night!

Oh death! Where is your sting?
Oh hell! Where is your victory?
Oh Church! Come stand in the light!
Our God is not dead, HE’S ALIVE, HE’S ALIVE!

“Christ is Risen” Lyrics

What’s your dream? Those words remind me of the closing scene in Pretty Woman and make me smile. I had the privilege of going to a conference this month and hearing Jennie Allen (a fabulous speaker and author) talk about dreams. When I was a kid, my head was full of dreams. But now at 33, they can seem a bit foolish. She challenged each of us with the idea that God has given us our gifts, talents, passions, experiences and hurts for a reason because there’s something we can do in this world that no one else can. She challenged us to dream about what our purposes may be and not hold back. So, Will and I did this together. We had a little dreaming session on our way to the beach and then we wrote them down for fun. It was a blast! Dreams of pulling our kids out of school for a year, homeschooling them and traveling the world…of going to Israel, tracing the footsteps of Paul through Italy and Greece, visiting different continents and learning through experience. What an adventure it would be! I wanted to travel the world in my 20’s, but shortly after graduation, I found myself in a cubicle working from 9-5 within a close drive of where I grew up. Somewhere along the way that dream became foolish and costly. But who says it can’t still happen? Or that we can’t save for it now? Or that after 35 your life will just play out on an autopilot trajectory inside the box?

We dreamed of starting a non-profit where we’d take children who have never seen the ocean to the beach and teach them about God through lessons in nature. How much have I experienced the awe and wonder of God at the beach? And it breaks my heart that some people have not seen the ocean. We’d call it “Come and SEA” (John 1:39). We could even take them fishing. Then I realized it would be tricky if someone didn’t know how to swim. That’s when, as an adult dreamer, you come to a crossroads and may stop. But, come on, what does it hurt to write the next sentence on the piece of paper? So, I did. We would have the world’s best life guards and the world’s best life vests on site. Someone would donate some beach front property, we’d have the best speakers for the kids, listen to worship music about the ocean, eat delicious seafood, pick up shells, give the kids a break from their problems and worries at home, experience God and make memories…I kept writing. I have a dream of writing a book. In fact, I wrote the first page last week just for fun. I guess Jennie really struck a deep chord with me when she asked us to dream. Someone just needed to say it and I was ready. God has awakened something in me and I’m thankful. Have you done that lately? Thought outside the box? Written down a dream? Try it!

As I was praying about my dreams and giving them to God, I did a listening prayer. I asked Him how He saw them. And then I just listened. I was expecting some exciting vision of them being fulfilled and maybe even a push to start now. And the message I got was not what I was expecting at all. It’s as if He put His finger under my chin, and lifted my face up to Him, and lovingly said, “Follow me today.” Hmmmm. “Yes… Let me be a big God in your small moments.” Hmmm….now, that’s interesting. It was a Monday when the kids weren’t in school. A pretty uneventful day. But it got me thinking. Maybe it’s not about what we’re going to do with Him; maybe it’s just about Him. Today. That’s enough. I want Him to be the God of my dreams, and I think He dreams of being the God of my day. I think He knows my soul will be restless until it rests in Him in the present tense.

He refers to Himself as “I am” all throughout the Bible. I AM who I AM. I think those two words say a lot about God. He has been here before the beginning, He will make all things new in the end. But yet, He speaks about Himself in the present tense. I AM the God who heals you. I AM the God who comforts you. I AM your exceedingly great reward. I AM with you to save you. I AM with you to deliver you. I AM your shield. I AM the God who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. I AM the Lord and there is no other. He doesn’t say “I was” or “I will be.” He says “I AM” and He means today.

And when I see the news and feel unsettled and powerless to help as children are getting beheaded, He says, “I AM the God who exercises kindness, JUSTICE and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight.” That means right now He exercises justice. We can’t see the full picture. But we can trust in His goodness and justice in the face of evil.

And when He says, “I AM with you always,” it means…HE IS with me in the grocery store when my daughter drops her baby doll a fifth time, when the cashier moves at a snail’s pace and the kids start eating what we haven’t yet bought, when the bagger wants to tell me his life story, when my husband leaves for work and takes my keys, when my daughter refuses to nap or my son dumps applesauce on the floor and laughs, when our new front door is installed backwards, when the widow across the street is in her yard, when I hear about something I was not invited to and it starts to redirect my thoughts and ability to love big. I don’t think God wants to change my behavior in those moments. Holding my tongue and saving face isn’t it. It’s not about my behavior; I believe it’s much bigger. He wants to change my HEART.

This was so well put in a book I read by Lysa Terkeurst (Unglued) where she talks about visiting the the Dream Center in LA, and how homeless people were invited in for food, prayer, love and the support to a better life, but many of them chose to stay on heroine and work the streets. Not because they thought it was better, but because it was just familiar. Some of our familiar thought patterns are hard to release even though a better life is on the other side. Her takeaway coming home was that if God could heal someone from a heroine addiction, He could also heal her from coming unglued the next time her kids threw their towels on the floor. He is that big! It made me laugh, but it is true, isn’t it? We expect Him to be big in the big moments, but then we make that same God small in the small moments?

“Our private thoughts are public to the only One who really matters.” When it comes to the little things, I often overlook my private thoughts (if that even makes sense) because no one else sees them. I focus on my behavior, and how to get through situations gracefully, but my actions and my mind can be in different places. But He tells us to love Him with ALL our minds. To be transformed by the renewing of our minds. Our thoughts matter to Him. And I think He wants me to invite Him into all of them, to help me see what He sees.

When He looks at me, He sees Jesus. When He looks at the person who may have annoyed or offended me, He sees Jesus. When He looks at the person I may have subtly judged, He sees Jesus. When He looks at the hurting person I just passed by quickly, He sees Jesus. How revolutionary for me to simply agree with what He sees? And when I look at myself, if I see Jesus, there would be no behavior modification needed. It reminds me of a song, “Lord I need you..because where you are, Lord I am free, holiness is Christ in me.” Holiness is not changing my actions. Holiness is Christ in me. “Put on the NEW self, which is being RENEWED in knowledge IN THE IMAGE of its Creator…Therefore, as God’s CHOSEN people, HOLY and DEARLY LOVED, clothe yourselves with COMPASSION, KINDNESS, HUMILITY, GENTLENESS and PATIENCE.” (Colossians 3:10,12). Even on Monday.

I dream about doing amazing things with God. I believe HE put those dreams in my heart, that HE lights a path for them and that HE will see them though. But I also believe He is already doing amazing things, and I don’t want to miss them today! He is standing at the door knocking and asking to enter each moment. To be a big God in the small stuff. Because our hearts, minds and souls are not small to Him. His greatest commandments are to love Him with all our hearts, souls and minds and love our neighbors as ourselves. How can we do that with broken hearts, wounded souls and toxic minds? And what does it mean to love our neighbors as ourselves if we don’t love ourselves that much? I heard Christine Caine speak on this and provide great wisdom. She referred to the heart, soul and mind as our core muscles. We cannot run until we first strengthen our core muscles or else our bodies will fall apart. It’s the same way in our race with God. The core is the boring stuff, but it’s ultimately what sustains us. The degree to which we are healed and free is the degree to which we will lead others to the Healer and the One who came to set the captives free! And the degree of change we will bring to this world is the degree to which He has changed us. So what does it look like for Him to help you guard your heart, restore your soul and renew your mind TODAY?

…

I ask, “God, can we change the world together?”

And He replies, “Katie, may I change you? I AM the way. Follow me today.”

That is more than enough. God open my eyes to this day and each person in it. In the words of Jennie Allen, “Great people don’t do great things. God does great things through surrendered people. And surrender happens every day in 1,000 small moments. SO, WIN THE DAY. Run the steps in front of you.”

I was in the attic looking for baby clothes and stumbled upon a special box. You may know the kind. Stacks of papers, books, pictures, old diplomas, and letters. The kind of box that should have a sign saying, “don’t open unless you have an hour.” I found a magazine from high school with a poem I had written. The poem had won an award, and I remember being embarrassed that it was published. I wrote it thinking only my teacher would see it, not wanting to share it with the rest of the school. I’ve always been a deep thinker and have always loved to write, but until recently, I’ve never really known how to be me! It wasn’t cool to write poems like this at 16. A sure way to scare off the boys and make people think you are weird!

In the past few years, I’ve had the joy of seeing women celebrating who they are and the gifts God has given them. I have a new Bible study teacher who introduced herself as a “self-proclaimed nerd.” She said she loves reading and writing and the inner nerd in me cheered! She is someone who sees and uses her gifts the way her Creator intended. She is beautiful and brilliant. And by not holding back or playing small, she serves those around her.

A good friend of mine spoke recently about using our gifts. She said when our gifts meet our Maker, something really special happens! She’s the kind of person who gives others permission to shine. Whatever we do, we do for the glory of God because it’s all about Him. I love this quote by Marianne Williamson “We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.”

When we insult ourselves or play it small, aren’t we insulting our Creator? I have these teeth that I feel stick out on the top row of my mouth. You’d probably agree this is ridiculous, but we women are hard on ourselves. As I drive by that cosmetic dentist billboard in my path, it confirms this imperfection and I wish they were straighter or that I’d worn that retainer…but wait a minute. My Father gave me these teeth and put them exactly where He wanted them…what I am saying about Him when I think that? I am going to smile BIG because I was made in His image and I reflect His glory! That is worth celebrating, not wishing to change! The world says we all need to look like barbie; God says we just need to look like us. That He made us to reflect Him and He’s an awesome Creator! We all reflect His glory in different ways! And when we’re freed up to celebrate instead of hide our gifts and give them to Him, we are freed up to celebrate them in others as well.

We have all been given a gift to show who God is. I saw a picture of this a few months ago when I was helping my friend Katie with an event for women at the Downtown Rescue Mission. I asked friends to bring flowers and put them in vases on my front porch. It was so touching to see how eager people were to help! They all picked flowers attractive to them…some white, pink, florescent, bright, soft, wild, from the garden, from the field, from the store…not one flower was exactly like any other. Just like us! The kingdom of heaven is inside each woman and God has made all of us unique and beautiful. Because we are each different, we put God’s creativity and love on display. The world says we have to look the same. I am thankful these flowers didn’t get that message!

So, what’s your gift? What are your passions, talents, interests? I bet you have a lot! I do too! And like my Bible study teacher, I love to read and write. But somewhere along the way, I stopped doing that. Because somewhere along the way, I stopped seeing me as special. And it became easier to blend in rather than to stand out. I have never wanted to be anyone else; I just didn’t know how to be me.

Until God breathed new life in me…He saw me on the sidelines, came over, reached out His hand, and asked if I wanted to dance again. He showed me how! And when I follow His lead, it’s graceful. So…here’s the poem about the Dancer. I think of that song I liked in college…the lyrics say, “Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance…and if you get the chance to sit it out or dance…I hope you’ll dance.”

I am by no means a great poet! This mama hasn’t written a poem in 15 years, but today I wrote another one; “The Answer” to “The Dancer.” It sounds more like a rap than a poem at the beginning and definitely has some off beat rhythm, but I’m choosing not to sit this one out…“If I made you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand….SHINE (Matthew 5:14 MSG).” I’m dusting off my pen and dancin’…because God has made this fun again…and more importantly… “The Dancer” is in major need of a sequel!  Please stick with me till the end!

THE DANCER (written by Katie in 1997)

Every night I lay me down
And sometime between today and tomorrow
A tiny dancer spins from my body
To toy with my joy and sorrow.

She dashes away to a different world
Taking my soul, I know not where
But somehow she knows how to set it free
To do everything it may dare.

There I swim the seas of danger
As my ship of safety sinks
And my fear vanishes and shrinks.
There my bottled hope explodes
As no limits line the sky
for nothing can stop me, or clip my wings
Or tell me I can’t fly.

My passions are like horses
That break from their reigns of the day
And they run like children, wild and free
With nothing to stand in their way.
Imagination swallows my consciousness
In this world the dancer takes me
There are no limits, no rules or boundaries
No logic to what I see.

In this world, my soul is freed
Cut from its leash, flown from its cage
I cannot stop it, so I lie and watch it
Pour out all love and rage.

But the dancer dashes away with my soul
As an ending comes to the night
And she places it back into its shell
As I awake with the morning light.

Confused I have so many questions
But she flees without an answer
How, I cry, do I break these chains?
Why can’t I be the dancer?

THE ANSWER (written to Katie in 2014)

My dear child,
to you I’m wed,
you are so hungry
and I’m your bread
Please let my words
have their way
inside your heart and head.

You are more precious
than you dare know
Your sins, my love, are
are as white as snow.
You are my beloved bride
cherished and true
so don’t you hide!
I’ve come for you
I’m at your side.
I’ve given my all
for your protection,
oh sweet child,
won’t you please,
just look in my direction!

I have good news for you, my friend.
I died so that you never will
Freedom is found only in me
just know that and be still
I am the light of the world
I’ve come to shine on you
so that your blind eyes
will soon see
and then they’ll shine anew

All your desires are YES in me
I’ve come to set the captives free
and that means you too,
Oh, my sweet Katie.

To break the chains that hold you back
I’ve got a plan for you, my dear
but first you’re going to have to search
and come up short
everywhere but here.
First you’ll have to fall on your knees
come turn the dark off, help me please
I am broken, I can’t fix it,
Jesus save me, it’s you I need.

You see, my child, it is finished,
all you need is already yours…
When I died on that cross
I had you in mind,
When I rose from the dead,
grace was yours to find.
I am your light, your gate, your way,
your truth, your resurrection,
your life, your vine, your everything,
your shield and your protection.

I’ve come to give you life to the full,
and joy in all your days
I’ve come to bring you home with me,
To stand condemned in your place.
Can’t you see, my dear
I offer endless love and grace,
so you need not ever fear,
I’ve come to meet your deepest hope,
And bring you to wide open space…

I love you with a perfect love,
I’ve come to be your answer
I DIED FOR YOU, MY PRECIOUS CHILD
SO YOU COULD BE THAT DANCER.

You did it: you changed wild lament
    into whirling dance;
You ripped off my black mourning band
    and decked me with wildflowers.
I’m about to burst with song;
    I can’t keep quiet about you.
God, my God,
    I can’t thank you enough.
(Psalm 30 11-12 MSG)

 

“Mommy, get in. No mommy…please…get all the way in.”

I’ve noticed many times this summer that while I go to the pool, I don’t actually want to get wet. Or swim! Something my kids think is crazy, God love ’em! They invite me in, but it’s cold when the water hits my tummy, I don’t want to leave with wet hair, it’s a commitment to go all the way under, and I am content to sit on the side and watch. I guess somewhere along the way I became a grown up and chose the convenience of being dry over the joy of going all in.

But recently, I’ve noticed on the days I do go all the way in, it’s not too long after the dreaded hair wetting before I am jumping off the diving board, enjoying the slide, and laughing and splashing with chlorine in my eyes. I blink and an hour has gone by and I’ve totally lost track of time or what else we’re supposed to be doing that day. It is FUN!  My daughter splashes me and I don’t care one bit…because I am already wet! When you go all the way in, you remember why you’re there. And once we surrender our desire to stay dry and untouched, we get to swim! And then wonder why in the world we held back.

I think God has a way of inviting us to go all the way in too. We know it will change our course and take us out of our comfort zone. We know it’s going to get messy, and that it’s a commitment. There’s some big trust involved and it can be scary if you’ve never done it. Bear with me on the pool analogy! As a kid growing up in church in the south, I spent a lot of time at the “pool.” I knew what the pool looked like, even what it smelled like, I could talk about swimming because I’d seen people do it. I’d even gone in part of the way. But I had never personally experienced going all the way in until I was 30 years old. Because being dry was better until then.

What changed my mind to accept His invitation? He did. It’s a long, hard and beautiful story summed up in one word…GRACE. Grace that counted more than my sin. Captivating, pursuing, relentless, offensive grace. Captivating because I knew my brokenness…being dry started burning me up, and Jesus…he saw it all. Saw it, and yet, he still went all the way to that cross for me. When he died on it and endured the wrath of God, he had me in mind. And when he rose to new life, he wanted me to come with him.

Offensive because it took me out the equation. It didn’t matter where I’d been, what I’d done or what I could bring to the table to fix it…it was all about Jesus, the one who drew me to surrender, to cover me in his living water, to let him rescue me and pull me deep into joy, all in and through him. Why go all the way in? Because he did. As my daughter Mary says, he got boo boos so ours would go away. Amazing grace.

I think of the day Will and I were baptized in the Tennessee River two summers ago. We climbed down the rocky bank and waded into the river with our shoes and clothes on. I felt giddy and alive like a ten-year-old kid at summer camp stepping into that refreshing water. We were new creations celebrating resurrection from the dead on a beautiful June day, adults and kids cheering us on along the riverbank. The sun sparkling on that river was shining in us…pure joy as we outwardly expressed the inward reality that Christ had made us new! Sin and death washed away down that river…and the love of Jesus covered every part of us like the water, not an inch untouched…we went all the way in and came out soaring in new life!

“That’s what baptism into the life of Jesus means. When we are lowered into the water, it is like the burial of Jesus; when we are raised up out of the water, it is like the resurrection of Jesus. Each of us is raised into a light-filled world by our Father.” Romans 6: 3-4 MSG

Many seeds were planted along the way that the Lord was faithful to grow. One of the first people to tell Will about Jesus is the very special lady who helped raise him, Evelyn. We call her “Mama Eddie.” We reconnected with her this weekend in Knoxville and celebrated all God has done in each of our lives! She invited us to church with her, an invitation I’m so thankful for. Jesus is King on Harriet Tubman Street…the choir singing gave me chills, tambourines shaking, hands waving, clapping, holding hands, praying for deliverance and shouting in unison “I am covered by blood of Jesus!” When the gospel choir sang, the Spirit filled up the room so much I thought the earth was shaking. No holding back or sitting on the sidelines there. Mama Eddie and her church friends know better.

We also reconnected with that Tennessee River as we watched the live telecast of the Boomsday firework show over it. The kids danced to the music as the sky lit up. Pop hits, a little Beyonce, America the Beautiful, then Rocky Top played and the crowd went crazy the night before the Vols’ opening football game. But they saved the best for last…

The grand finale was to a saxophone playing Amazing Grace…fireworks exploded over that special river…huge bursts of light rapid firing faster and faster…a crowd of all ages cheered and sang along louder to it than they did to Rocky Top… “AMAZING GRACE HOW SWEET THE SOUND THAT SAVED A WRETCH LIKE ME. I ONCE WAS LOST BUT NOW I’M FOUND, WAS BLIND BUT NOW I SEE.”

I think of the one who called us into that river. I hear that saxophone playing and Evelyn’s preacher’s electrifying voice shouting “Praise Jesus!” He saw it all, yet he still went all the way to that cross for me. And continues to invite me in. When I think of him, fireworks burst in my heart and happy tears fill my eyes…because there is nothing more amazing than grace.

 

God, the Writer of history, the Creator of the Universe says “at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father (Philippians 2:10).” God says Jesus is the name above all names exalted to the highest place. So I wonder…

If He planned for Jesus to be known to every person, I wonder why He sent him to live here in a time of no technology. There were no typewriters, no printers, no iphones, no Facebook. God could have chosen any moment in history to bring His son into the world…it was perfectly thought out and planned for centuries, and He chose to do it then. Wouldn’t it have been easier to accomplish this Son being known if God had sent him to live today…in a time when there are over a billion users on Facebook and the word could have spread to continents in seconds? Instead, he came before the camera. We have not even one picture of him.

If God wanted Jesus to be His most important message, why did He send him in a time with no technology? Maybe because there’s a treasure there He wants you to discover about Him for yourself. Through a relationship. He is gently whispering, “come and see”… there’s something beautiful He wants to reveal. And it’s only found on the inside. Aren’t we like that too?

I wonder if Jesus were here today…would he be on Facebook? What would he post? Maybe if one of the disciples had pulled out their iphone and caught a shot of Peter walking on the water, we would have a better grasp of it? We could replay it over and over and forward to people in doubt. The word would be out! Hmmm. Would anyone then feel left out of that boat ride and misunderstand the heart of the most inclusive man of all time? Maybe someone could have taken a panoramic shot of him feeding the 5,000 and posted it so everyone would know and believe in his miracles. What about before and after shots in an instagram collage of the lepers he healed. Surely God knew how effective that would be. A video of the paralytic walking. Then anyone who wasn’t there would believe, right!? His friends would be a motly crew. Would he have many? Or maybe if Mary Magdalene had just taken a shot of the empty tomb and posted it…or if when he was ascending into heaven saying “you will be my witnesses” someone had caught it on their iphone…then God would have instantly been able to get the word out about the resurrection…talk about a witness tool!

There are two questions my heart is always wondering..what is real? And what is real about me? And when I spend time on social media, to be honest, I get frustrated…what is real seems to be slipping away. I feel a desire to create it for myself and find I have the power to do so. Please hear me, I am not saying Facebook is bad; not at all! It’s a wonderful tool for getting great messages out and reconnecting! But, for me, it’s not a place where the questions to those answers about truth are found. When I look for the ocean in a puddle, I’m always going to come up short! For the 1% of my Facebook friends whose hearts I know, the pictures are a fun enhancer to that foundation. Great icing to the cake! But to the other 99%, who I am and who they are is frozen in hand-picked images. It’s certainly not false, but it’s not the whole truth. And it leaves me yearning for truth more than I did before I logged on. And scrambling to find it in the people behind the pictures.

Facebook wasn’t anything I cared much about until I became a stay-at-home mom and started spending my days with little adult interaction. My job is an invisible job to the world and Facebook was a wonderful way to share life! But it didn’t fill my need for relationships. I felt connected but strangely disconnected. Perhaps because in my very limited time for adult interaction, I was filling it with icing and no cake! And no bread of life either!

And I believe my dissatisfaction came because Facebook was Katie’s attempt to define Katie on the outside…but Katie was never supposed to have that job. God is the only One who defines me. He defines me in Christ. And Jesus is an inside guy.

Some of the most amazing Christ followers I know use Facebook as their platform; what a blessing to the world! Many jobs and ministries rely on it. It can serve a great purpose. Perhaps one day God can recreate it for me! There is no one size fits all way for being a social media user, mom, wife or follower of Jesus. I am just realizing my own struggles in this season and have found freedom in doing so. But one thing is for sure, in a day when we’re bombarded with hundreds of messages a day, we have to be intentional about how to LEAVE ROOM for God to breathe His truth into our seeking hearts. And room to share what’s inside with people in real-life conversations. We have to fight for that! And it looks different for all of us.

For me, I’ve hit the off button on Facebook for now. Because when I’m on it, I’ve discovered that while sometimes I’m genuinely engaging with others, sometimes everything slowly starts to become about me…my image, my pictures, likes, comments, who I’m tagged with, and the spiral goes downward. I start comparing my insides to others’ outsides and it feels empty. When the outside of my life, my interests, what I’m doing, who I’m doing it with, and who likes it subtly starts to define the answer to “who is Katie?” I get in trouble. And it’s so tiring when I’m on the throne! It wears me out! Maybe no one else has ever had this issue…I hope you haven’t! Perhaps I am one in a billion :), but maybe a few people can relate, and so I write.

My friend Kelley told me she was getting off Facebook two years ago and I thought she was off her rocker. She is going to miss out on so much. Days with toddlers can be long and a bit lonely…it’s wonderful to share pictures with other adults. To make the invisible job visible. To make sure no one forgets you’re here! But then for me, sweet moments on playgrounds, etc. started to become photo opps. Come on…don’t say you’ve never done it :)! Even a casual picture can take a few tries with toddlers and suddenly the real life moment has…totally passed you by. My husband caught me doing this and pointed it out. I laughed! Yes, okay…life is to be experienced, not advertised. And maybe I don’t need my phone when we’re playing in the yard. Maybe that moment was meant for just my kids and me. Like when I was growing up.

And if I’m on my phone, maybe I’m the one missing out. On fleeting moments. Did I hear what my daughter just said? Did I see the other person in the park who may need a friend today? Did I notice what my son just did and how he wants his mommy to look his way? To make eye contact. I am communicating with 1,000 people; he is communicating with just one…and it’s me. I wonder how many people we are supposed to communicate with in a day? And if being on the Internet increases or actually decreases that number? My son will have a phone one day, and if he’s glued to it when I want him to listen to me, I don’t want him to have learned it from mama.

As a mom of toddlers, I need some margin more than ever…some empty space in my day and mind. That’s something I have to fight for! We all do! Margin to pick up the phone and call a friend. Margin to open the Bible. Margin to sit still. Margin to be intentional. Margin to read a book. Room for discovery in relationships. Freedom to decide who and what I let in because there’s not room for all of it right now!

Perhaps Jesus came before the camera was invented because God wanted those of us who didn’t live during his time to decide if he’s real for ourselves…through faith and through getting to know him, not just knowing about him. There is a mystery there…one we have to take the time to discover and uncover. Not at internet speed, but at a slow pace. One on one. In a relationship. We have no pictures of the resurrection, but I’ve witnessed it…in my own life, when I went from dead to alive in an instant. It looks different for each of us, but He lets us find it with our own spiritual eyes, and paint our own timeless picture.

There is a mystery to you and me that people can only discover in real life…it has to be slowly unraveled and uncovered over many moments, life on life, insides to insides. My loved ones gather insights from behind the scenes moments and learn the answer to their main question about me…what is real about her? Isn’t that what you really want to know about people and about God? And the more inside stuff you know, the deeper you are drawn into intimacy and trust. There is some mystery and discovering I still have with my husband who has been in the day-to-day for almost ten years…it’s beautiful and no camera can capture what’s between us.

God doesn’t come in the clutter and loudness of the world…but in that quiet place, when the computer is off, in a still, small voice. Technology is a powerful tool for getting the word out. Without it, there would be no blog post right now! If I am to get a message out, I need the Internet. But God doesn’t. He is bigger and far grander than technology. He is not dependent on man or anything created by man. Because He’s God. And I wonder how much of technology we NEED to know the truth, experience friendship and be the people He made us to be.

Whatever your path is…if we’re going to have any empty space in our mind, in the day of iphones, we’re going to have to fight for it and set boundaries. No one taught us technology boundaries growing up…our parents are still learning from us, so we have to create the boundaries ourselves. To learn what is necessary and leave out the rest. Or it will eat us alive! I am learning I have to be intentional to leave breathing room for the One who breathes life into me. Room in my day, but also in my heart and mind. To leave some empty space. “The boundary lines for me have fallen for me in pleasant places (Psalm 16:6).”

So, being a mom with toddlers can make me feel like I’m invisible sometimes…but God is opening my eyes that I am sharing each day with Him. The Creator of universe walks beside me. Wow! He’s only One I’ve never had to send a picture to because He’s seen it all. The outside and the inside. The deep thoughts, the dark places, the thoughts I’d never say out loud, the secrets no one knows, the last thing I would post, the inner most place…He has seen it all. And still loves me. To Him that inner most place is the best part. And He whispers…slow down and look in My direction! Can’t you see…I’m crazy about you!

God has set eternity in our hearts. He has placed in our hearts the search for unconditional love, for depth we can’t measure, for mystery, awe and wonder. He has given us a deep longing that can only be satisfied in Him. So my desire is to make space to turn in His direction.“Let us run the with endurance the race that is set before us….fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2).” “Fixing our eyes” by definition means “to turn eyes away from other things and fix them.”

“What is real?” and “what is real about me?” He’s the only One with the answers. And I have to remind myself every day to turn away from other things and listen! Not because it makes me feel better, but because it’s TRUE.

JESUS is the way, the TRUTH, the life. He is before all things and in him all things hold together.

THANKS TO JESUS, I am altogether beautiful, there is no flaw in me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, God’s thoughts toward me are as countless as the sand on the shore, I am precious and honored in His sight, I am the righteousness of Christ, seated in heavenly realms, He takes great delight in me, He HEARS my prayers, all of them. He knows about all the bad stuff, yes all of it, it was nailed to the cross with Jesus, my record is wiped clean, past, present, future, I don’t ever need to fear because my problems don’t scare the One who holds the universe in His hands. He is taking me to a place of no darkness or death or tears, He loves me. Nothing will ever separate me from His love, His Son died for me so things could be right between us no matter what I’ve done…so I could come home and He could hug me and welcome me back. I am His beloved daughter. I am fully accepted. His Kingdom lives inside me RIGHT NOW and Jesus holds the key that unlocks it…it is finished but he is not nearly finished with me! He says I am radiant, brilliant, chosen. He gives me a choice but He wants me to let Him in…to breathe life into me, life to the full…He is my God. He wants me to know Him and commands me to BE STILL.